Readers Comments - My apology

Ok, so I have NEVER claimed to be technologically smart, or even technologically competent for that matter....

I just "found" a WHOLE BUNCH of comments that some of you have made - many while I was in Congo, some from before, and some from recently.  I apologize for not commenting back.  I've never clicked on the "comments" tab before.  I promise to do better in the future!  :)

Congo Trip Notes #4 - More Waiting and VISAS!!!!!!

While Caleb and I were in the hospital, Vickie continued to have contact with the U.S. Embassy regarding our visas.  She was an unbelievable liason – checking with the consular, texting me regularly with any developments, researching the forms the Embassy uses, etc.  Waiting is NEVER fun and this type of waiting felt useless.  We were frustrated and emotionally spent.  We’d been in the D.R. Congo since November 1 and, other than court, the Embassy, the hospital and the market across the street, we hadn’t left St. Anne’s.  It was getting OLD!

Just when I thought I couldn’t take another day, some American families arrived.  They were a breath of fresh air!  There’s safety in numbers, so we were able to go out for dinner.  Our first adventure was to Hunga Busta’s, a pizza place, where we had Thanksgiving dinner with our new friends!

The next several days would involve more and more (and more and more…) waiting.  While we waited, not without discouragement at times, our husbands and some good friends back in the USA worked diligently making phone calls to do ANYTHING to get these visas issued.  My brother-in-law spoke with Hillary Clinton’s executive secretary.  They both called congressmen and people in the State Dept.  A good friend of ours made phone calls to congressmen while he was on vacation in Disney World (thanks, Pres!).

While they made phone calls and worked from the United States, Vickie and I continued to bond with Andee and Caleb.  We had times where we were both discouraged, but, for the most part, if I was down, Vickie was up and vice versa.  We were great friends before the trip, but spending this amount of time together, sharing a room for THAT long, bonded us for sure!

One day during our journey, we were both feeling kind of “blue” (well, blue might be an understatement!  We were both REALLY, REALLY discouraged!).  I pulled out a piece of notebook paper and pen and told Vickie we weren’t going to do anything else until we made a list of things we were thankful for.  And, ya know what?  It only took about FIVE minutes and the page was ALMOST full!  By the end of our trip, we could have OVERFILLED the page (with new friends, more children with their forever families, etc.).  Despite the circumstances, we both had SO much for which to be thankful.  God is sooo good!  We hung the list with a paper clip (we made due with what we had) to our mirror where we would see it every time we brushed our teeth, washed our hands, etc.

We also continued to spend time with other adoptive families.  It was refreshing at the end of the days to be able to share a meal with other Americans and their BEAUTIFUL new children.  TOTALLY a BLESSING!

Finally, On Dec. 1^st, the Embassy called us through Father Theo.  Poor Father Theo, the Embassy had called him before and each time, he’d have to run up several flights of stairs to our room to give us the phone.  He was always excited to tell us we had a call from the Consular.  Being an optimist, he thought for sure they were calling to tell us our visas were issued.  After several disappointments, we were no longer getting our hopes up.  This time, however, they told Fr. Theo to have us come over to pick up our American passports.  Vickie and I both kind of held our breath as we checked for OUR (adult)passports, knowing we hadn’t left our passports with the official who took them every time we entered the embassy.  Sure enough, Vickie and I both had our passports in hand.  Could it be that they meant the children had American passports there?  Hmmm….we rushed around and packed the kids up in their pouches to walk to the embassy.  By the time we got there, we were sure Father Theo had misunderstood the call and that it was just REGARDING the passports, not to pick them up.  What little faith! 

Yeah!!!  We got GREAT news!  The kids’ visas were being prepared!!!  We hugged and cried, knowing that the end was now FINALLY in sight!  Two of our new friends just happened to be at the Embassy when we got the news as well.  They’d seen our frustration in waiting and then got to share in our relief and joy as we got the good news.  The security guards at the Embassy doors, joined in our excitement.  These men had gotten to know us well.  When they’d see us walking down the street, they would begin to yell, “Come in, Mrs. Laubachs!”  They had checked at least one of us (Vickie while we were hospitalized) in at the embassy nearly EVERY day for three weeks.  They hugged us and posed for a picture.  J

When we arrived back at St. Anne’s, Father Theo gave us greeted us with hugs!  We did the “visa dance” and took our Congolese coordinator out for pizza (her choice – she doesn’t get pizza often!). 

My Facebook post from my phone that afternoon read, “Thank you, Lord, for our Christmas gift – visas!”  The end was in sight!

Trip Notes #3 Hospital Stay

Before I go any further in talking about this trip, I have to stop and remind myself and all of you that – Hey, we ARE home!  From start to finish, Caleb’s adoption took less than 10 months, similar to a slightly “overdue” pregnancy.  J  So, while the obstacles seemed big and numerous, we are home, healthy and happy.  It’s easy to focus on the negatives, but that’s not what I want this blog to be about.  I want to tell about our journey, but I want you also to see the need to in the D.R. Congo - how it and many other countries differ from ours.  Mostly, I want you to see how worth it is to overcome the bumps of International adoption to bring a child home.

Ok, now that that is off my chest.....Fast forward from my last post to the week of Nov. 15^th

Caleb’s birthmother left St. Anne’s after staying there for over a week.  This was an answer to prayer.  While it was ok having her with us, I think it was confusing for Caleb.  It also stressed me out because even though I have mothered other babies, I felt like I had to be “perfect”.  It was a lot of pressure (mostly self-induced, but still….).

A couple days after she left, Caleb developed a fever.  Having four other children, I am NOT quick to run to the doctor, ESPECIALLY in the Congo.  I kept thinking it was teeth, a virus, etc.  Also, I was so emotionally spent, exhausted, etc., it was hard to make a decisions.  I was dreading the medical care Congo had to offer.

After a couple of days, Vickie (THANK YOU, Vickie, by the wayJ) basically insisted I take Caleb to the doctor.  I told Fr. Theo that he had a temp for a couple of days and within minutes, he had arranged a driver and called an English-speaking doctor at a local medical center.   The driver was a huge help.  He lead me from small building to small building, small room to small room, as we paid our bill FIRST in one building, went to another to be examined, another for lab work, etc.  After the lab work, we were given a piece of cardboard with a number that they had written on the slide and told to come back in a couple of hours.  We weren’t back at St. Anne’s long, when the driver knocked on our door and told me we needed to go.  The doctor had called and told him to bring us back to the hospital right away.

When we returned, the doctor told me Caleb would have to be admitted, that he was very ill with malaria.  They asked for a hundred dollar deposit towards his stay.  Then they took us to what would be our room for the next six nights.  For all of you medical people (Hi Geisinger Friends!) – the hospital was NOTHING like we are used to.  I quickly scanned the room while the driver was still with me and asked about drinking water.  “No, no drinking water here”, said the nurse.  “How ‘bout toilet paper (I was thinking about ME, at this point, not Caleb)?”  “No, no toilet paper here.”  Hmmm…..ok……”How ‘bout meals?”  “No, no meals.  Your family will bring you these things.”  “HELLO!!!!!!!  MY Family????  I’m White!  No family here in the Congo!”  J  So, no towels, no pillow, no soap, etc. 

The driver went to St. Anne’s for me and I texted Vickie a list of things I’d need.  Unfortunately, the only real food we had in our room was tuna, so we ate that for the first couple of meals (Yes, tuna for breakfast...yuk!).  Fr. Theo came and brought me some mango and bread and Vickie did a great job of utilizing anyone that was coming in my direction to send food, water, etc.  And, our dear friend from St. Anne’s, Leone, came and visited me on several occasions.  She went to the store for us, went to the pharmacy (did I mention that they started the IV and handed me prescriptions to fill?!), and spent time visiting with me, which kept me from going CRAZY!! The people from St. Anne’s were such a blessing during the whole trip. 

I remember being kinda scared because I didn’t know where I was, if it was safe, etc.  Also, I’d never stayed in a hospital before where the PATIENT locked the door from the inside.  It was all so strange.  I remember texting George and my parents saying, “God is really stretching me too far….”  I was so thankful for the memory verses learned.  In the hospital, the verses that played in my mind were "My grace is sufficient for you..." and "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."  Great sources of comfort!

In hind sight, which is ALWAYS 20/20 :), it was great bonding for Caleb and me.  He wanted nothing except his mama and I spent 24/7 loving on him (and reading ALL four books I had brought from home).  There was NOTHING for me to do except focus on him. 

The Congo hospital stay was an experience in itself.  While the care seemed a bit barbaric and definitely antiquated by U.S. standards, the people were nice. 

And, for all of you OR nurses, the nurses look SO nice coming to work even though they change when they get there. 

They were all amused at the English-speaking White person. Those who were trying to learn English stopped by frequently during the days to chat.  The student nurse pictured above is Evelyn.  She LOVED to speak English as she had recently learned a little bit of our language.  The patients that spoke English also knocked on my door and said they wanted to speak to me in my language.  One mother knocked on my door at 5:00 in the morning.  She had heard Caleb crying and wanted to tell me that maybe he was hungry or needed a diaper change.  She told me that she had four children.  Sweet of her to want to help, but I had already figured that one out!  I shouldn't be so cocky, though, because the last morning, she also heard me getting sick to my stomach and came to see if I was ok and to offer to help with Caleb while I was ill.  Sweet, sweet lady!

I had said several times during the adoption process that I wasn’t sure why God lead us to adopt from the Congo.  I’m sure there are many reasons, but in the hospital, I got one answer.  The doctors told me that if Caleb wasn’t being adopted, he would die.   They said without money for proper medical care, etc, he would be a statistic of malaria.  And, believe me, even with “proper” medical care, there were a couple of days where I wondered if he’d live to meet the rest of his family.

BUT, as I’ve said before, God took care of Caleb (and me)!  

Here he's looking out the window thinking, "Ok, Driver, you can come get us now! I'm feelin' better!"

 St. Anne's had begun to feel like home, so we were excited to get to leave the hospital for our room there..  Even though it was not home, it was a step closer.  So, you may wonder what a six-night, seven-day hospital stay costs in the D.R. Congo since health insurance doesn't cover it?  I mentioned the $100 deposit and when we were discharged, we owed another $265, for a total of $365 or a little over $60/day.  No wonder they didn't provide a pillow or toilet paper!  With the medicines that we had to buy over the course of the week, it costs around $600 - a small fraction of what it would have cost in the U.S.

                   Our room had been just through this door

That's all for tonight.  I'm out of steam.....to be continued.

Have a great night!

Trip Notes#2 - More Court and Waiting

The first night with Caleb wasn’t what I expected.  He slept ALL night long.  Poor guy – he was probably exhausted after his ordeal in jail.  Problem was he wouldn’t take a bottle or eat.  The next morning at breakfast, he ate a piece of bread and a little fruit.  We were told that I would have to return to court to “sign papers”.  Now, Folks, in America, if one goes to “sign” papers, it takes about – oh - maybe five minutes.  I knew in the Congo it’d take a little longer than that.  I packed a bottle and some bread in my bag and headed off with the driver and bodyguards around 9:30.  I was totally unprepared as this “signing of papers” took until 4:00 in the afternoon!!  It gave me a new appreciation of why adoption paperwork in third world countries can take so long to process.

First, we were in a room smaller than our bedroom at home.  It had four desks with men working at them.  Around each desk were four chairs for people like us to sit.  I was with “M” (Caleb’s birth mother).  We were in a court room different than the one where our hearing had been held.  This one was not as scary, but it was so crowded!  It was hot and we were not able to leave the room ALL day.  I sat (and stood when Caleb cried) the WHOLE day.  We watched the judge HAND-WRITE nine pages of documents with CARBON paper!!  There were no computers, no typewriters, nothing electronic.  There were cardboard boxes stacked to the ceiling that were smashed, hanging open, etc.  These boxes housed all the previous court records.  I was praying my documents would never get lost because I knew what they would have to go through to find them as I watched a worker dig through several boxes without success. 

I was unprepared as I hadn’t packed much for Caleb.  The bread was gone by 10:00 and he wouldn’t take the bottle.  I had no way to console him at that point; he was plain HUNGRY.  “M” left court and returned with some kind of drinkable yogurt.  Caleb drank it fast and furiously.  I asked another man to get two more for him.  I then noticed that even though it looked like yogurt, it said, “Energie” on the side.  I couldn’t read the other French words, but when I went the to the yogurt section at the market the next day, this drinkable yogurt was not there.  Instead, I found it with the “Monster” drinks.  YIKES!!  Anyhow, it proved to be a good  “transition” drink as I put it in Caleb’s bottle a time or two mixed with some formula until he was drinking only formula. 

...........Here's a photo of a VERY KIND gentleman helping me entertain Caleb during the LONG court day.  This man holds a special place in my heart as he was also the one who had handed Caleb to me for the FIRST time in court the night before.

After spending the whole day in court on Saturday, I was anxious to have a “normal day” with Caleb.  On Sunday, we spent the day getting to know each other outside of a court.  While we didn’t actually attend church, we walked outside and listened to the music of the churches at St. Anne’s (AWESOME!).  Vickie thought that maybe we’d leave the DRC the following weekend.  We expected to get our visas within a few days, go to DGM for a few days and leave the D.R.C immediately after. 

Well, the first day after getting Caleb that the Embassy was open, we were there bright and early.  And, it wasn’t for our visa appointment.  We went because there was concern that more arrests or re-arrests were occurring.  Our coordinator feared she’d be thrown in jail (that would NOT have been good as we needed her help to finish paperwork to leave the DRC).  The thought crossed my mind that maybe we’d ALL get put in jail (REALLY not good for two White women in the Congo!).  Accusations went away as the rumors circulating were PROVED FALSE.  But, the result was that the Embassy had to launch a FULL investigation before issuing our children’s visas.  And this process would NOT be easy!  It would take a LOT longer than a few days and would have many twists and turns. 

During the visa process, there were several days where we seriously wondered if our children would EVER come home.  One day in particular, I actually called George and told him that Caleb would NOT EVER be able to come home with me, so I needed to bite the bullet and arrange care for him in the Congo and return home.  His and the kids’ responses were “NO!  Stay longer – Keep fighting!  You HAVE to bring him home!”  I was willing to stay longer, but only if progress was being made, giving us SOME glimpse of hope for a happy ending.  I needed at least a glimpse of hope because every day Caleb and I were bonding more and more.  I knew how difficult it would be if I’d have to put him back in the orphanage and leave for an indefinite amount of time.  He was quickly learning who mommy is and would cry if I left to go to the bathroom for two minutes.  Just imagining what it would be like to say, “Good-bye” to Caleb and Andi was more than Vickie and I could bear!

............................................This little man and I were BONDED!!  :)

As difficult as this waiting was, when I would pray, I would be reminded of verses like, “Be still and know that I am God.”  “They that WAIT upon the Lord shall renew their strength….” etc.  At the time, I was thinking, “Really, God?  Wait longer?  UGH!!!”  The answers weren’t what I wanted to hear and I often wondered why the days were passing by.  I also KNEW that people at home were praying for us.  George would tell me about the emails, phone calls, meals, etc. from our supportive family, church family and friends and I’d be SO encouraged!  I have said to some of you that I’ve never “felt” people praying before, but I’m telling you – in this case, I “FELT” people praying!  I knew that we were supported and that in itself gave me hope. 

Our original “worst-case scenario” plane tickets were booked for the 21^st of November.  When the day we thought would be the LATEST we’d leave came, I knew why God had not allowed us to leave.  Caleb was really sick and we were hospitalized during that time.  We could NOT have left if we wanted to and it would have been BAD to have been on a plane with him as sick as he was.  God KNEW what He was doing and His timing was all for a reason (of course!!)

I will write more about our hospital stay in the next post…..

Happy Monday to you all!  Have a great week!

Trip Notes #1

So, I’ve been struggling with posting about the trip to the DRC to pick up Caleb.  How does one fit nearly six weeks worth of events into a little blog post?  I certainly don’t know how to do that, but in the end, I’ve decided that I will try to highlight our trip in three or four posts.

Our trip began on October 31, as many of you may have seen.  We flew from Harrisburg to Washington D.C. to Brussels and on to Kinshasa, with a stop to refuel in Cameroon.  We left on a Sunday after lunch and arrived at St. Anne’s in Kinshasa where we’d be staying at bedtime on Monday.  With the excitement and jet lag, we didn’t sleep much the first night.  The plan was for my sister-in-law and me to get our children at 9 am the next morning.  We, of course, were up very early with anticipation.  We waited and waited and waited.  Finally, somewhere around noon, the coordinator arrived carrying my niece inside.  I was snapping photos and videotaping Andi’s first meeting with her mama.  Now, you all need to know that I was THRILLED to be seeing my niece for the first time, but after a minute or two of taking pictures, I was getting anxious to meet Caleb.  I asked where my son was, thinking she would go and bring him to me, but instead, she told me there’d been a problem.  He’d been taken (kidnapped from the orphanage) that morning.  I can’t begin to describe the emotions that were running through me.  Even though I had not yet met Caleb, I loved him as much as I loved Emily, Chase, Hallie & Cameron.  I was sad (really sad!), angry, frustrated (come all the way to Africa and not get our child????!!), panic-stricken (was he safe?), etc. 

Here's a picture of Vickie and our beautiful niece, Andi

Through the coordinator’s broken English, I learned that Caleb’s birth mother had heard from someone on the street that he had been sold after she put him up for adoption.  She didn’t want him to be sold; she wanted him to be adopted.  Additionally, if the coordinator had sold him, his birth mother hadn’t got any of the money.  The coordinator felt that if I would speak with her and explain that all of my money went through the agency and that we did not BUY him, but adopt him, the birth mother would understand.  Thus, began a chase to find Caleb and “M” (his birth mother).  Vickie and I were put in a car with her new daughter and taken to sections of Kinshasa I’m sure we never would have seen.  We were in villages sitting in the car while the driver and coordinator asked people if they’d seen them.  At times, we felt very insecure – after all, we had NO idea where we were, we hadn’t registered with the Embassy, so no one “important” knew we were even in the DRC, Andi was hungry and not completely sure what was going on.  Since “M” is homeless, she was hard to track down.  Finally, after several hours and no success, we returned to St. Anne’s to allow the coordinator to continue the search. 

I remember arriving back to St. Anne’s feeling completely helpless and hopeless.  Up until that point, I hadn’t shown a lot of emotion, but had rather been focused on finding Caleb.  And, truthfully, there was NOT ONE thing I could do.  I remember Vickie trying to give me a hug, as I’m sure she felt my pain.  All I wanted to do was go to my room and cry.  I remember calling George and telling him that we didn’t have Caleb and that I did not know what the outcome would be.  I envisioned stepping off the plane without Caleb, seeing the faces of his siblings.  

This went on for four days.  This was one of the hardest weeks of my life.  The only bright spot was sweet Andi.:)  Finally, on Friday, I was told that I would be picking Caleb up at a courthouse because they ended up having to arrest “M”.  Below is the email I sent home a few days after going to the courthouse.

“….Caleb is soooo sweet!  It was love at first sight, which I knew because I loved him for months before seeing him.

This has been such a broken road, though. His gotcha day was not what I would've imagined in my wildest dreams!

I was taken to court last Friday. I thought I was just going to pick Caleb up - had no idea how the events would unfold. 

I was told to wait in the car with three bodyguards.  There was so much noise and people were coming up looking in the windows.

The attorney came out and told me that a judge had ruled in favor of birth mother and that we would have to come back Monday to appeal. I was totally crushed and started to cry.

All of a sudden the attorney came running out of the building again and said in broken English, "come!” I quickly followed through a crowd of people at dusk (the bus loaded with criminals had just left for jail and a large crowd had gathered and was very noisy - story in itself). Anyhow, I arrived at a building where they wouldn't let my bodyguards in.  I was told to follow a long dimly lit hall with holes and rickety steps past men armed with machine guns. I entered a dimly lit room with eight or nine people. It was hot and there were mosquitoes everywhere. Oddly enough, there was a TV playing that continued to play during the whole hearing.

I was shaking like crazy. It was all I could do to not cry because I had just been told Caleb was going to be with birth mother. This court room was not what I had imagined. The two sides sat across from each other on old sofas.  As I sat on the edge of the couch, trying not to look nervous, I scanned the room to look at faces. There was the judge with two men that were clearly his assistants, four attorneys and a couple other people. As I glanced around the room, there across from me was Caleb. I had no idea he would be there and seeing him for the first time took my breath away.  I will forever remember that feeling.

The entire court was in French and Lingala, so I had no idea what they were saying. I decided to just pray and to focus on Caleb. I kept wondering if it would be the first and LAST time I ever saw him. I was praying that wouldn't be the case, while trying to soak him all up in case it was.  By the time court was over, Caleb was squealing at me and smiling every time our eyes met.  When the judge (who felt more like a mafia boss) stood, I had no clue what had been decided until a man went and got Caleb from his birth mother and put him in my lap. He was slobbering all over me and putting his dirty hands in my mouth. He smelled like you WOULD NOT believe! He had on only a swimsuit and a shammy cloth for a diaper held on with a plastic bag. The diaper had clearly been soiled for DAYS. I kissed him and hugged him despite the dirt and stench. I told the birth mother how beautiful he was and how much George and I would love him and care for him.

I was (am) so mad at her for all we'd been through; yet I love her for bringing Caleb into this world. Incidentally she smelled too!  In fact, her attorney took out a bottle of deodorant and showed it to her before sending her over to sit by me. Everyone in the room laughed and even though the conversation was in French, I completely understood that. 

Since the legal systems here are not "normal" by our standards, I came away from court with not only Caleb, but also his birth mother. We were ordered to house her at St. Anne’s until we depart the country.

By the time we left the court building, it was well past dark. As soon as I passed the men with the machine guns, a bodyguard grabbed Caleb and two others quickly ushered me to the van. The birth mother followed. The van was quickly surrounded by people asking what had happened. Several members of Caleb's birth family were there introducing themselves. I couldn't see their faces because they blended with the darkness.   They were shaking my hand and speaking, though I couldn't understand a word and was too filled with emotion to even think clearly. I was just praying for safety and thanking God for the smelly baby in my lap.

We returned to St. Anne’s, but not without excitement. The driver, coordinator and bodyguards got in a fight and one of the guards came flying over the third seat and jumped out of our (slowly) moving van. They were yelling and screaming. I was scared, but the rest of the people in the van acted like stuff like that happens all the time.

When we arrived back at St. Anne's, a crowd of birth family had gathered there. I walked past them and into the safety of St. Anne’s. Found Vickie in the dining room eating a late supper. We hugged and cried and she told me that Caleb smelled.  Nice auntie, huh?!  J

After a picture or two (which were my first "gotcha day" pics) with the bodyguards, we gave Caleb his first SCRUB. It would take four baths to have him smell like a baby should.

Ok...I know this is long, but this is only a glimpse - and I mean glimpse - of what's been happening. In fact, it only covers a few hours from Friday night….”

So, that gives you all a small picture of what my first week in the D.R. Congo was like.  As you can see, it’s not the typical “Gotcha Day!”  But, being at home where I am now WITH Caleb, his daddy and his siblings, I can look back and see how GOOD God is!  We were kept safe despite some pretty scary and uncertain circumstances.  We met WONDERFUL people!  I can’t say enough about the St. Anne’s staff.  Father Theo was AWESOME!!!  The other guests there were unbelievably supportive.  I would later learn that many thought I would NEVER end up being able to bring Caleb home, but God is BIGGER than that!

Here's our first picutre of Caleb and me together with Vickie and Andi upon our arrival back to St. Anne's after court - and, of course, our bodyguards for two days.....:) 

                                     

Here’s a picture taken the next morning – after a bath and some clean clothes.  :)

Will continue posting about our journey in the next blog.

Happy weekend to you all!